Go away, Shelly DeVoto

There’s something I need to get off my chest: I have an irrational hatred/fear of Jamie Lee Curtis.

She wants to eat your soul.

It all started in grade school music class, when I decided I didn’t like my music teacher. Her hair was too thin, the skin on her neck sagged too much, and her cross necklace didn’t work with the turtle necks and seasonal vests she wore every day.  Besides her appearance, Music Teacher clearly disliked me from the start; I was far too sassy and had a reputation from my four older sisters, whom she also taught many, many years prior.

Growing up, My Girl was a constant at home. I was very familiar with Shelly DeVoto, the lady who lived in the mobile home and bothered Vada Margaret Sultenfuss to no end. Truth be told, I was never very fond of Shelly. One day in music class, I realized Shelly and Music Teacher were, basically, separated at birth. They looked so much alike, it was scary. 

My hatred of Music Teacher grew as I got older. I was forced to sing and dance with my classmates when I would’ve rather played computer games or make fun of people on the playground.  In fact, I still like to do the same stuff now. It’s called blogging. This hatred, in combination with disliking Shelly, turned into a hatred of Jamie Lee Curtis. It didn’t help that Freaky Friday came out in theaters years later. I was assaulted by movie trailers and at sleepovers when my friend’s would watch Freaky Friday. 

 

Absolutely terrifying.

Then, Jamie made a genius career move and became the spokesperson for Activia, the yogurt that helps you poop. I couldn’t escape, and honestly, I still can’t. That stupid voice singing Actiiiiiviaaaaaaaaa runs through my head unexpectedly all the time and so does Jamie’s serial killer, dead-in-the-eyes smiling face. 

 

The Google Image search page for Jamie is a nightmare.